I’d like to place $1 million lawsuits over the following:

public educating Republicans for whining about entitlements and then shoving the kids off into school. I am paying for their mis-education. I want my money plus damages back in the amount of $1 million.

weather forecasters for only being correct 50% of the time. I wore sandals out the other day and there was a deluge. If I can’t trust your predictions, why do you waste my tax money using and demanding more public weather monitoring and satellites? I want my tax money plus damages in the amount of $1 million.

McDonald’s. Because I’ve never had your too-hot coffee and spilled it on my lap. I want $1 million because you deprived me of that opportunity.

American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology for manipulating the birth market into a choosers-take-all market making it difficult for real birth assistants (aka midwives) to be present as assistants rather than medical personnel. I want all the tax money we paid in to support your cause through government regulation of birth. We never used it since we had babies at home. I want my $1 million.

parents who think their kids are the next einstein and let them run around like meerkats. Really? Be a parent. You annoy all of us. Your kid’s as regular as mine. Encouraging his lack of social skills ain’t helping anyone. Certainly not those of us who choose to learn at home with our regular, run-of-the-mill kids. I want $1 million in pure damages just for putting up with you.

Duggar haters. Look. I don’t enjoy watching the Duggars either. And I said why in that link in the last sentence. But why go hatin’? They’re not living off of anyone. But there’re a lot of folks living off of them…thank you taxes! I want $1 million for all the “you know what causes that” comments I’ve received with just 5 kids plus all those the Duggars have heard. I can’t speak for Jim Bob and Michelle (Are those their names?) but I really, really like having sex with my Husband and guess what happens? Pop goes the weasel!

And that’s enough for now. I suppose that makes me wealthy enough.