Since today does not really exist, I will philosophize for a moment. And I even did a wee bit of research.
Until I read this blog post, I did not know what a Mommy War is. And now, after a simple google search, I know what one is. It’s basically a mom calling out another mom for her mommy-ing choices.
OK. Disclaimer- I haven’t read the book reviewed in the blog post. The liklihood that I will read that book is probably zero. The blog post… I’ve read it four times. I find it VERY interesting. And wise. And thoughtful.
SO, back to the Mommy Wars. For me to suggest that I do not critique myself and others based on my own experiences, would be a complete and utter fallacy. A lie. How I choose to act in response to that personal (as in to myself) critique determines whether I am making war or not. Not the simple act of thought. Constant self-analysis is important.
So, I was thinking about me, and this is ONLY about me, and yeah. I get aggravated when a mom says, “I can’t stay home like you do, but if I could, I would.” That statement annoys me. What do you mean you would if you could? You would if you wanted to. I’d much rather the mom just say, “I don’t want to stay home.” But other than that single annoyance, it ends. I don’t wage war.
I also get annoyed by the mother that feeds crap to her kids and then doesn’t understand why she and her kids are a big, hot wreck, always annoying those children and adults around them. But other than the annoyance, it ends. I don’t wage war.
I am annoyed at the families who want to tell me how much my kids are missing out by being home all the time. Other than the annoyance, it ends. I don’t wage war.
Here is where I wage mommy war. Here is where I will always wage mommy war. Don’t tell me you… TIME OUT. The proverbial YOU, people, and recognize I rarely use the word YOU in any of my posts, I take FULL responsibility for MY words and don’t cast them on others unless necessary. This is a necessary moment. Don’t tell me you understand how busy my days are when your kids are being cared for for 6-10 hours at my family’s expense and you do not work a full-time job outside of the home. If your kid is in private school, or at home learning, tell me all about it. But if your kid is in government school, and you stay home, I don’t want to hear it. Because guess what? I volunteer, too. I cook/bake for others, too. I run a business, too. And I do it all with love and grace and some days a wee bit of class. We are not on the same page because behind my days filled with serving my community, I am serving my family who is underfoot. I don’t want them anywhere else but at my skirt hem. But that simple fact does not make our days the same. They just aren’t.
But other than that annoyance – grave, great, gargantuan annoyance, even that isn’t war. Because I don’t call you out. I just listen. I agree you do work hard for your family and your community. I agree you are giving all you’ve got. And you are. Just as I am. And what you have to give is no greater than what I have to give. And what I have to give is no more virtuous than what you have to give. And all the vice and versuses necessary to round that out. We simply give different things.
But what do you take? I take nothing from you.