I think I have figured something out. And it isn’t from pleasant life on easy street, looking back at all the poor sobs who just can’t make it work. This intelligence was earned and learned from deep, throbbing, always present heartache.

This generation, my generation, and the generation or two before it have no patriarchs. No matriarchs.

Let me be brief…

In the past when something needed settling in the community or in the home, the men (or women) came together and settled it. They simply said, with the authority granted them by God, “This is what is going to happen. This is the way it will be.” And that’s what usually happened, the way (it usually) was. If someone didn’t like the suggested solution, he left. Not without hurt and sadness, but he left. It was understood.

But lo and behold, women left the home to work during WWII followed by the emasculization of men through the femi-nazi movement and now we all should “do what feels best.” And so, now, when a community or family needs resolution, when a community or family member needs calling out, there’s no one to do it. And so we all move forward with hurt.

How do I know? Because there is not patriarch or matriarch in my family (as in my parents/siblings). And there hasn’t been for a very long time. So, when I attempt to make resolutions and am bold-faced lied to and call out those that lied, I am ignored. Simply ignored. And I have watched it happen to so many around me. Where is the patriarch to call an end to the feud? Where is the matriarch to whoop us into line and tell us how it will be?

Now, what happened to me happened some time ago. And I have wondered whether or not to write about it at all. I know some of my family reads this blog and I don’t want anymore hurt than already exists. But I can write about it now because I know why it happened. My parents don’t care enough to step forward and call an end to the feud. That’s a tough pill to swallow. That my own flesh and blood does not care enough to step forward and be patriarchs and matriarchs and guide the family toward peace. It’s much easier to slink into the shadows. Because it feels good. And confrontation hurts.

Confrontation hurts forever. Not so briefly.